When Life's Not Fair

I’ve never been one to often tell people “You deserve this!” . . . especially if it involves something like ice cream or a “break.” Not because I don’t think people should ever have ice cream or a reprieve from hard work. But more often than not, when people say this to me I know it’s not actually true.  I know the corners I cut or the thoughts I had in my heart. I know the attitude I had behind closed doors and the not so proud moments that come along with any hard work or achievement.

Lately, I have recognized sin patterns in my life. It’s as if I have earned the right to something . . . security, comfort, hope, happiness. These are just a few of the things my heart has been longing for and when I don’t get them, the inner turmoil can look very similar to my 3-year-old’s response to not getting more cake. As if it’s going to seriously satisfy the deepest needs of her life and if she doesn’t get it then life is over.

This is where bitterness can creep in. It sets up camp and decides to taint the things around it. It takes many different shapes and forms. For some, it could sound like this . . .

Don’t they know what I’m doing for them?

I should be able to splurge a little.

If this does not happen, I am going to be very angry.

They really should be paying for my meal, not vice versa.

If they would have done it the way I told them . . .

I can’t believe they forgot about me.

They should really respect my decisions.

I can’t take this anymore.

Lately, my husband and I have had to make some hard life decisions, big life decisions, the kind of decisions that clearly affect your children and the course of your family life. One question I’ve really been asking lately is, “Is it always going to be this hard?!” And in many of those moments, I’m like a rodent trying to catch something on a string that I’ll never reach, or if I did . . . it’s a trap of death waiting to clamp down on me for the kill. In many of those moments, I haven’t run to the Lord for strength and hope.

Why would I make such a confession?

Because we may often feel or think we deserve something . . . or at least look like we have it all together. But the real truth is: no one does. I’ve been thankful for a couple of articles lately where writers finally attacked the notion that “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” Of course He does! Our sin itself is more than we can handle. That’s why he died on the cross in the first place.

So, what do I do? What do I do when I feel like I can’t get past the idea that I deserve something in particular? Or when I am angry at how people are treating me? What do I do when darkness surrounds me and while it may not be all my fault, I know it’s catapulted by the depth of my own sin?

I repent and ask for help. 

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

God gives us two commands in this verse: fear not and do not be dismayed or anxious. Why? Because . . . God is with me. God is my God. God will strengthen me. God will help me. God will uphold me with a nonetheless-perfectly righteous hand. He doesn’t just leave us hanging with a simple “stop that already.” He gives us solid reasons. Amazing reasons. Perfect reasons.

Only God can soften my heart. Only God can open my eyes to the sinfulness of my pride. Only God can shatter the ideal of what I think I deserve and show me the immensity of what I actually already have.

You see, when I’m angry about not getting what I think I deserve, I’m actually just not seeing what I have already received in light of who I really am. I'm a sinner saved only by God's grace, not my own. I once heard Albert Mohler say something like, “Anything other than actual hell is God’s grace in your life.” As a Christian, I have received a hope that is more than just wishful thinking or crossing my fingers. My hope is in a sure, certain thing . . . an eternity in heaven with the Beloved who knows me, loves me and even died for me. In a place where there are no more tears, no more sorrows and no more striving.

Because of Jesus, I get to proclaim that it won’t always be this hard.

Our friends won’t always be dying of brain cancer. We won’t always be putting our children in graves. We won’t always struggle financially for yet another month in a row. Our hearts won’t be forever broken by the darkness of sexual perversion or abuse. We won’t always be exhausted or looking forward to a better day. Because one day, that better day will be here.

When every earthly prop gives way,

He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ, the solid rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,

Oh, may I then in Him be found,

Clothed in His righteousness alone,

Faultless to stand before the throne!

When my earthly props give way, when I’m stuck in what feels like a stormy battle with my flesh, when true heartbreak enters my life and there’s no getting away from it . . . I have no choice but to rest on his unchanging grace.

It’s unchanging. It’s unchanging!

I may float along with every whim and flow of my wretched flesh, but He is unchanging. In the midst of my bitterness, in the middle of my sin, at the depths of my heartache, he is still available. It’s never too late. It’s never too dirty. While it may be too much for me to handle, praise God that it’s never too much for him to handle. Let’s give praise to the one who actually does deserve it, Jesus.

This article was originally posted at Gospel Taboo.

Selfish Ambition is Demonic

Be ambitious; work hard for yourself. Take care of yourself first, so then you can take care of others. Succeed for yourself so that you can be proud of the life you have built.

I’m no stranger to these principles. Enduring a challenge, being critiqued, striving for excellence, these are concepts I find exciting. They’re the ingredients to the American dream; woven subtly into our thoughts, they give birth to selfish ambition. The world teaches selfish ambition with full force because apart from God’s mission, it’s the only way to survive. But “this is not the wisdom that comes down from above” (James 3:15).

When I think of holy ambition, I think of the Apostle Paul. Paul was willing to give up what the world called beautiful for what the world called atrocious. He gave up status. He gave up comfort. He gave up glory. He gave up his own life to become a fool for the sake of the gospel (1 Cor 4:9-11). This is godly ambition, the antithesis of self-ambition.

Wisdom From Above

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. James 3:13

James explains the solution to a small thing that causes huge problems: the tongue. Untamed communication causes a world of destruction. So how do we know when someone is actually wise? James teaches that wisdom is founded in deep, meek trust in a holy God, which sets sinners free from demonic self-promotion. Trust in God doesn’t free you to promote yourself; trust in God frees you to not need promotion at all. In our depravity, our thirst for promotion, recognition, raises and accolades is natural; it’s also demonic. But in Christ, we are free from thinking or striving or pretending as if we deserve any praise at all (Eph 2:8-9). The kind of person that needs no praise is the kind of person that controls their tongue.

But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. James 3:14

We assume the best about ourselves. We assume that, surely, we can’t be tasting the taint of bitterness as we watch another person get the promotion we deserve or while we daydream about winning the lottery. Knowing you should be happy for others’ success does not equal embodying joy on behalf of others. You can know you should rejoice with those who rejoice, but knowing doesn’t mean doing (Rom 12:15). Bitterness is the opposite of a tamed tongue. Selfishly ambitious people drop subtle hints about their awesomeness. They lace their conversations with their resume or list the ways they’ve served. They exaggerate, maybe just ever so slightly, to shine themselves in a dim spotlight. This person wants honor and devotion . . . in other words, deserved recognition and a devoted platform.

This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. James 3:15

God doesn’t mince any words through James’ writing. He casually and intently lets the progression of his description go from bad to horrific. Selfish ambition is earthly. It’s unspiritual. It’s demonic. No bones about it, the desire to be ambitious with even a hint of selfish-intent derives from the cosmic powers of Satan himself.

For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. James 3:16

James defines wisdom by describing its opposite. The opposite of wisdom is bitterness, jealousy, and selfish ambition. These traits are derived from Satan and produce conflict, wickedness, and pain—disorder and every vile practice. This is true if people see it, but it’s also true if the sin is never outwardly displayed and only detected within a restless, unstable heart. What’s shocking is that this passage is talking about Christians. If there’s conflict between brothers and sisters, God teaches that their conflict and therefore, lack of wisdom is connected to their bitter jealousy and selfish ambition that comes from Satan.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. James 3:17

James finally describes wisdom as the opposite of selfish ambition. Wisdom is selfless, easy to get along with, tender-hearted, sober-minded and reasonable, compassionate and genuine. In other words, Jesus is wisdom personified (1 Cor 1:30). You’re not going to find authentic versions of these attributes boasted about on social media. You’ll find them in Jesus alone. These attributes are rare because they’re holy. Therefore, they’re not possible through human flesh alone, but are made possible only through he who calls us to repent of selfish ambition and commit to die (Phil 2:3). Wisdom is available when we deny the world’s version of ambition, when we say no to being great and loving success, and when we say yes to serving through pain and entrusting ourselves and others to the One who judges justly (Phil 2; 1 Peter 2).

Help for Selfish Ambition

Selfish ambition is demonic. Let that sink in. Eventually we all find places where self-promotion has seeped into our hearts and minds and perverted the things we are doing—even things we’re doing “for the glory of God.” From parenting to working to driving down the road to the friendships in our neighborhoods, bitter jealousy and selfish ambition are rampant.

Thankfully, Jesus understands. James reminds us that “we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body” (James 3:2).  Jesus is the only one who is the perfect antithesis of selfish ambition. So much so that at the right time, for the ungodly, he gave up his own perfect soul for the sake of ours (Rom 5:6). He said no to what he deserved (Phil 2:6). He laid down his crown, his glory, his honor, and what was due him. Not only did he lay it down, he suffered for it (Phil 2:7). He suffered and experienced the worst pain for those of us who would need help with our demonic, selfish ambition (Phil 2:8).

Because selfish ambition is demonic, Jesus is the only answer. We must repent and lay down our lives for a relationship with the One who gives us new life (1 Peter 1:3). Here are some questions that will help us detect where dressed-up ambition has deviously found its demonic way into our hearts:

+ In what areas do you get easily “frustrated”?

+ In what areas do you want to look really good to the people around you?

+ Where do you find a hard time not getting your own way?

+ Where do you struggle to speak kindly and slowly?

+ Do you disguise selfish ambition by describing yourself as a perfectionist, goal-oriented, or trying to give glory to God?

+ Where do you tend to exaggerate when you’re in front of family, friends or co-workers? 

This article was originally posted at Gospel Taboo.